I come home from school each day and I go to my room…why?
Because it’s the only place I feel safe. I throw my book bag down, lock the
door, put in my headphones, and try to drown in the music. Six o’clock hits…he’s
home. The banging starts. First I hear the door slam and the screaming at my
mom begins. The refrigerator door slams and I can hear my dad yelling at the
TV. The refrigerator door slams again…and again…and again until finally it
happens. The banging on my door seems to not end...I start rocking back and
forth with my legs pulled to my chest; the tears feel like acid running down my
face…”why me?” The door opens and he stumbles across the room; each step shakes
the floor. The nightly game begins…
“Aw what’s wrong?” he says gently, as the tears
start coming faster. He grabs my arm.
“Answer me, you little shit!” He screams in my face,
the left over alcohol on his breath makes me feel nauseated. And just like that…he
slaps me across the face; you would think the sting wouldn’t hurt as bad
anymore but it gets worse every time.
When
he’s done he walks out leaving me there shaking and crying. The thought of
death comes up every day now. So I sit here with bruises covering my arms, red
marks on my neck and face, and here I am. This is my life. A soul trapped in a
damaged body.
So
the question is: does an alcoholic affect the lifestyle of their child? To many
readers that may have been an extreme case but it is 2013 and the reality is this
happens daily among many of the people in your/your kids’ classes; yes it is a harsh
reality but alcoholism is a popular “trait” now. Many reasons for alcoholism
begin with the person’s happiness level; did they just lose their job? Their
companion? A death? Maybe it even originated at the beginning of life…aka from their
parents. Alcohol is a substance used to “forget” things or “take away the pain”
as many people would say. The hardest thing about alcohol is it is a drug and
yes just like any other drug, you can get addicted to the feeling, not addicted
to the buzz but addicted to the numbness you feel when you are drunk.
Alcoholism
is important because you may not even know it but to many people it’s a “self
curing” drug; what I mean by that is many people use it because they think it
helps them, but in reality, blacking out will not make that person come back,
or get your job back, it is only a mask for what you are truly trying to hide. So
why is this important to me? It is important because I have had multiple people
walk in and out of my life because of alcoholism; earlier this year I got a job
at LA Fitness where I became extremely close with a few of my coworkers but the
one that stuck out to me the most was Zach. He is this extremely quiet 19 year
old that no one talked to, a little background information on him- He moved
here about a year ago, he went to Basic training for the Army, and close to the
nicest and most hardworking person I have ever met, he would drop anything to
make sure I’m alright. Earlier this week he came in to work-out while I was
working. So I checked him in and waited until we closed. Lately when we have
been closing, people have been staying extra late and Zach didn’t want to leave
me alone so he waited to walk me to my car. So we start talking and I start
locking up when a van pulls up…they were there to do carpet. So we sit and wait
on the guy to finish, and I asked Zach what he was doing that night.
“Probably going to go drink,” he replied. As usual
we get caught up in why. For me I don’t understand why anyone would want to go
drink by their self. Then again why does anyone do anything? Simply because it
makes them “happy.” For Zach it is because of a girl. This girl is not just
some ordinary teenage, 2-month relationship, but a mere four years. At nineteen
Zach was ready to dedicate his life to this girl and propose, when he moved to
Ohio she cut off all communication with him, within a week he discovered she
had a new boyfriend.
So
why does this matter? Well the story went a little bit deeper, Zach’s dad was
an alcoholic and left Zach’s mom when he was young, then tried to revive the
relationship and came back in Zach’s life. Remember the story at the beginning?
That was a reality for Zach. Would I have known that? Let alone any of the
people I work with that were judging him for not trying to talk to anyone? No.
Zach has been through hell and back, but the thing is he tried to get out of
that life by joining the Army; unfortunately when he came back, the person that
was supposed to be there through everything left him and he latched onto his dad’s
ways of feeling “numb.” Does one story make me believe all children of
alcoholics will eventually turn to drinking? Of course not, but it will ALWAYS
have an impact on each family member. Many times you will hear an alcoholic
say, “I’m not hurting anyone but myself” but what about the little girl
watching you, when you are supposed to be helping her with homework, going to
dance recitals, or simply just tucking her in?
So
what are some numbers? A rough seventy-six million Americans have exposed their
families to alcoholism, so what does that mean? Twenty-six point eight million of those people
are children. (Brown) The effects on children may not be as severe as Zach’s
but children learn from their parents and if the parents look to alcohol as a
way “out” then the chances of their children looking at alcohol the same way
increases more than someone’s parents that only drink on occasion. The way for
an alcoholic or a child looking to an alcoholic parent, to overcome alcoholism
or accept your parents’ mistakes works the same way: learn to accept that the
pain they are feeling is a pain from the past and only exists if you let it.
(Gravitz)
Alcoholism
has the potential to ruin a person (especially a child) life; if in any way you
can save that person from the need to feel “numb,” do it- you might just save a
life.
A Place
Called Self: Women, Sobriety and Radical Transformation.
Stephanie Brown. (Hazelden, 2004)
Guide to
Recovery, A Book for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
H. Gravitz and J. Bowden. (Health Communications, 1985)
