Research

I come home from school each day and I go to my room…why? Because it’s the only place I feel safe. I throw my book bag down, lock the door, put in my headphones, and try to drown in the music. Six o’clock hits…he’s home. The banging starts. First I hear the door slam and the screaming at my mom begins. The refrigerator door slams and I can hear my dad yelling at the TV. The refrigerator door slams again…and again…and again until finally it happens. The banging on my door seems to not end...I start rocking back and forth with my legs pulled to my chest; the tears feel like acid running down my face…”why me?” The door opens and he stumbles across the room; each step shakes the floor. The nightly game begins…

“Aw what’s wrong?” he says gently, as the tears start coming faster. He grabs my arm.

“Answer me, you little shit!” He screams in my face, the left over alcohol on his breath makes me feel nauseated. And just like that…he slaps me across the face; you would think the sting wouldn’t hurt as bad anymore but it gets worse every time.

            When he’s done he walks out leaving me there shaking and crying. The thought of death comes up every day now. So I sit here with bruises covering my arms, red marks on my neck and face, and here I am. This is my life. A soul trapped in a damaged body.

            So the question is: does an alcoholic affect the lifestyle of their child? To many readers that may have been an extreme case but it is 2013 and the reality is this happens daily among many of the people in your/your kids’ classes; yes it is a harsh reality but alcoholism is a popular “trait” now. Many reasons for alcoholism begin with the person’s happiness level; did they just lose their job? Their companion? A death? Maybe it even originated at the beginning of life…aka from their parents. Alcohol is a substance used to “forget” things or “take away the pain” as many people would say. The hardest thing about alcohol is it is a drug and yes just like any other drug, you can get addicted to the feeling, not addicted to the buzz but addicted to the numbness you feel when you are drunk.

            Alcoholism is important because you may not even know it but to many people it’s a “self curing” drug; what I mean by that is many people use it because they think it helps them, but in reality, blacking out will not make that person come back, or get your job back, it is only a mask for what you are truly trying to hide. So why is this important to me? It is important because I have had multiple people walk in and out of my life because of alcoholism; earlier this year I got a job at LA Fitness where I became extremely close with a few of my coworkers but the one that stuck out to me the most was Zach. He is this extremely quiet 19 year old that no one talked to, a little background information on him- He moved here about a year ago, he went to Basic training for the Army, and close to the nicest and most hardworking person I have ever met, he would drop anything to make sure I’m alright. Earlier this week he came in to work-out while I was working. So I checked him in and waited until we closed. Lately when we have been closing, people have been staying extra late and Zach didn’t want to leave me alone so he waited to walk me to my car. So we start talking and I start locking up when a van pulls up…they were there to do carpet. So we sit and wait on the guy to finish, and I asked Zach what he was doing that night.

 

 

“Probably going to go drink,” he replied. As usual we get caught up in why. For me I don’t understand why anyone would want to go drink by their self. Then again why does anyone do anything? Simply because it makes them “happy.” For Zach it is because of a girl. This girl is not just some ordinary teenage, 2-month relationship, but a mere four years. At nineteen Zach was ready to dedicate his life to this girl and propose, when he moved to Ohio she cut off all communication with him, within a week he discovered she had a new boyfriend.

            So why does this matter? Well the story went a little bit deeper, Zach’s dad was an alcoholic and left Zach’s mom when he was young, then tried to revive the relationship and came back in Zach’s life. Remember the story at the beginning? That was a reality for Zach. Would I have known that? Let alone any of the people I work with that were judging him for not trying to talk to anyone? No. Zach has been through hell and back, but the thing is he tried to get out of that life by joining the Army; unfortunately when he came back, the person that was supposed to be there through everything left him and he latched onto his dad’s ways of feeling “numb.” Does one story make me believe all children of alcoholics will eventually turn to drinking? Of course not, but it will ALWAYS have an impact on each family member. Many times you will hear an alcoholic say, “I’m not hurting anyone but myself” but what about the little girl watching you, when you are supposed to be helping her with homework, going to dance recitals, or simply just tucking her in?

            So what are some numbers? A rough seventy-six million Americans have exposed their families to alcoholism, so what does that mean?  Twenty-six point eight million of those people are children. (Brown) The effects on children may not be as severe as Zach’s but children learn from their parents and if the parents look to alcohol as a way “out” then the chances of their children looking at alcohol the same way increases more than someone’s parents that only drink on occasion. The way for an alcoholic or a child looking to an alcoholic parent, to overcome alcoholism or accept your parents’ mistakes works the same way: learn to accept that the pain they are feeling is a pain from the past and only exists if you let it. (Gravitz)

            Alcoholism has the potential to ruin a person (especially a child) life; if in any way you can save that person from the need to feel “numb,” do it- you might just save a life.

 

A Place Called Self: Women, Sobriety and Radical Transformation. Stephanie Brown. (Hazelden, 2004)

Guide to Recovery, A Book for Adult Children of Alcoholics. H. Gravitz and J. Bowden. (Health Communications, 1985)